Trans-Rights, LGBT Rights Movement, Democratic Socialism, and Political Correctness.
Sunday, August 26, 2018
Monday, January 13, 2014
Mistakes -Mine and Maybe Yours...
http://usernamenoway.tumblr.com/post/73290897237/mistakes-mine-and-maybe-yours
Saturday, December 7, 2013
How I Left Traditional Cigarettes Behind
So many of you probably don't know that I am/was a smoker. Smoking was something that was a part of my life. I had done it so long and it had really been associated with me by all of my friends. They even said that it was hard for them to see me quit (sounds crazy I know) because a part of them loved the conversations we would have when I went out to have a smoke and they felt that it was just a part of Will, like they just knew I was that guy that smoked. On the good side of that they would all say I don't stink unless I have been smoking right before, but it was hard to smell it on me, because I took so much care at making sure that I didn't smell like them and my teeth stayed white.
One day I just decided that I was tired of the way they made me feel so I got on the internet and researched all the different brands and which one was the best. I purchased a starter kit for all of the top 5 brands, and I stuck with the one that has the best flavor, amount of vapor, and safety. I began smoking them and not too long after that it got to where I didn't want to even smoke a real cigarette even if I tried because they tasted so nasty compared to my e-cig. I then started smoking them regularly and every time a friend would be around me they would ask me what kind of e-cig it was and they wanted to buy one. I started selling so many that I decided it would be easier for my friends and myself to become a distributor. It turned out to be a good investment because I was able to get the kits to my friends and family at such a lower price than most. I am now expanding that to my followers and hope that I can help ya'll find a safer alternative to smoking.
My e-cigs that I sell are the same ones I live by, they have made me feel better and I no longer put my family at risk because of a decision that I made. Below is the link to my website where you can browse through them. I give at least a 10% discount, if not more, depending on the amount of the order. I have fast shipping and will help you however I can.
West Texas Premier E-Cigs
I promise I am not just trying to ploy a sell. I really do stand behind these e-cigs and will answer any questions I can. I just want to share something that has been so helpful to me. I chose these because I know where they come from and know they don't have any harsh chemicals that the others contain.
If you need to know something, let me know.
Take Care of Yourself,
Will
One day I just decided that I was tired of the way they made me feel so I got on the internet and researched all the different brands and which one was the best. I purchased a starter kit for all of the top 5 brands, and I stuck with the one that has the best flavor, amount of vapor, and safety. I began smoking them and not too long after that it got to where I didn't want to even smoke a real cigarette even if I tried because they tasted so nasty compared to my e-cig. I then started smoking them regularly and every time a friend would be around me they would ask me what kind of e-cig it was and they wanted to buy one. I started selling so many that I decided it would be easier for my friends and myself to become a distributor. It turned out to be a good investment because I was able to get the kits to my friends and family at such a lower price than most. I am now expanding that to my followers and hope that I can help ya'll find a safer alternative to smoking.
My e-cigs that I sell are the same ones I live by, they have made me feel better and I no longer put my family at risk because of a decision that I made. Below is the link to my website where you can browse through them. I give at least a 10% discount, if not more, depending on the amount of the order. I have fast shipping and will help you however I can.
West Texas Premier E-Cigs
I promise I am not just trying to ploy a sell. I really do stand behind these e-cigs and will answer any questions I can. I just want to share something that has been so helpful to me. I chose these because I know where they come from and know they don't have any harsh chemicals that the others contain.
If you need to know something, let me know.
Take Care of Yourself,
Will
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Working in West Texas and Being Gay
So I thought that my next post should cover my experiences as a gay man working in West Texas. Work is the big issue with me right now because there are so many problems going on at my job. I don't think any have to do with being gay, but I just need to vent I suppose. The journey is interesting. I decided to pull experiences from some of the jobs I had and share them in little mini-stories.
I think my perception of how life would be in the work place has always been off. I blew things way out of proportion and convinced myself that I was going to always have to wear a cloak of "straightness" in order to get by. I couldn't have been more wrong.
"The Substitute Teacher"
My first job was as a substitute teacher for the school district I grew up in. I grew up in a small town named Snyder, Texas which is a dot in the middle if you draw a triangle from Midland to Lubbock to Abilene and then finally back to Midland. Our only claim to fame is the White Buffalo (an albino buffalo) that was killed quite some time ago. We had a population of about 10,500 people and one school district in town.
From a pretty young age I had enjoyed the idea of teaching. I remember creating lesson plans for my stuffed animals and collecting as many library books as I could so that I could later play library and make my mother check out books and take AR (Accelerated Reader) tests on the books. I was definitely a nerd in all aspects. I was disappointed to discover that due to schedule transition my high school was partaking (block to modified block to 8 period days) that I was not able to take the senior class where you assisted an elementary teacher in his/her class. When I turned 18 I figured I would take a shot and put in an application to substitute. At that point my college classes were during the days so there was only a select set of days I could work. I remember the first day I worked was in October of 2006 and I loved it. I was right in my element. The kids loved me and I loved them. Many of the staff had been there when I was young so it was fun to see them again and to work beside them. After a couple of half-days as a substitute I began to create a name for myself and the teachers started requesting me for their classes. After my first semester of college I decided that I wanted to pursue substitute teaching full-time so I started going to college online in order to be available to substitute. I was kept pretty busy by the school. In February 2007 I met my partner. At this point I was out to only two or three of my friends and my partner wasn't out to anyone. Our love story is one for another day, but needless to say since I was now 19, he was a high school student and was 17. Since he was still in school and I worked for the district, I knew that eventually our paths might cross. They finally did one day when I was called to sub for a high school class. I hated the idea of even doing it in the first place. Why would they put an 18 year old who had partied and hung out with these people in a room and tell them to listen to him? I am not sure but thank God it wasn't a complete disaster. I did have my partner in one of the periods, but all I did was complete his homework for him. Nothing else was significant about that day. My overall experience with the school district was good. I was not publicly out at this time, but by my last semester working there it had become a rather large rumor. I don't know if I had to cover it up as much as I did, or if that was just my paranoid perception. I really didn't parade around as being in a relationship with a girl, just kept my private life very private. I think the only time I actually experienced negativity due to my perceived orientation was with two third grade teacher's ones name was Kim and the other was Esther (yep that's right, and she was actually young). It was ironic that I had trouble with them because they were actually the ones who requested me in the beginning. I had been doing the job long enough to know that I had to cover my ass any time I deviated from a teachers lesson plan. At the beginning of the 2008 Spring semester the teacher Kim was sick and wasn't able to come in. I was asked to cover for her and of course I did with no hesitation. Once I arrived and sat at the desk I realized that I may have inherited a problem. Since she had not been in the building since school let out which meant there was no lesson plan for me to follow. Thank God a teacher named Mrs. James came in and helped me and we looked at the desk and she found a work book that was for the standardized test in Texas. She told me to teach several of the modules and have the students complete them. Simple enough it would seem. However, it wasn't simple at all. About a week or two after the teacher got back I was called to visit with the school principle. She wanted to know why I had made up my own lesson plan, deviated from the one written, and why I was playing computer games. Every accusation was false, but I then realized that there was a snake in the grass. I had essentially been set up. I didn't know the extent at the time, but I knew that something was fishy. I explained how I did not have a lesson plan to go by and how the other teacher and myself had went over things and she told me to go with the lesson book. Apparently Kim had told the principal that I used the book she wanted to save for her to teach to the kids and had ruined her entire Spring lesson plan by completing a few modules. A bit dramatic for my taste, but either way I saw what this was. I also knew that I had not been playing computer games and my school work must have been confused (my A&P lab looked like a video game) with games. After explaining myself pretty clearly the principal was happy with the answer, but I had to do some digging of my own. Come to find out, my then "best friend' (notice the quotations) was having some difficulties with my being gay and so his solution was to be truthful with certain people who asked. He decided to tell the assistant tennis coach (I played while he was assistant) that I was gay after the coach asked him because he had heard rumors. I then figured out that his sister was Kim the teacher, and that they were a very religious family whom had made homophobic slurs around others. Once I put that part of the puzzle together I then figured out about two days after he told the coach was when I was turned into the principal. I also heard that Esther and Kim were part of some homophobic slandering at my expense from some other teachers whom I was close to. Either way, it was pretty obvious that they didn't like my being gay and working around kids and had almost succeeded in getting rid of me. I never worked for them again, and they rarely made eye contact with me the rest of the time. I will throw out that Esther's part in this was rumored, but a very close friend witnessed it so I have to believe them. Either way, even if my orientation had nothing to do with it, it was a nasty move on any persons part, especially an adult who teaches children.
"College"
I worked for the same hospital for the rest of my undergraduate. I don't remember a time where I was mistreated there because I was gay. I actually had a very open and loving group and they supported me. We had other gay team members and it was like one big family. I learned so much from them and feel so blessed to have had them mold me into the nurse I am today.
"Abilene"
My father passed away unexpectedly in November of 2009. The details of that are for another day, but his passing molded the decisions I made for quite some time. From the time I moved to Lubbock and began working in the Pedi ICU, I thought that I would grow my career from there and develop a life in Lubbock. After my dad died I had to rethink that plan. As the eldest of two sons, I felt I had a responsibility to take care of my mother. I only speak to my fathers step-mother, and do not associate with any of his blood relatives so when he passed my mother decided to move to Abilene where all of here family was. As a graduate of a university with a BSN, it was pretty easy to line up a first job. I had to decline a job at Pedi ICU because I knew I needed to be in Abilene with the rest of my family. Family is a big thing to me and I didn't want to be so far from them. I received a good offer from a reputable hospital in Abilene and felt that their "critical care residency" program for nurses was a great thing. I thought that a transition from Pedi ICU to adult ICU wouldn't be too hard. Man was I wrong. The first day I walked into my new job as a graduate nurse I knew it didn't fit. It just didn't feel right. The vibe I received from the hospital was just... off. Despite all of this I knew having a job was very important so I stuck it through. Once we finished our residency/orientation (which was all on a computer and very boring) we were assigned a nurse who was our mentor for the duration of our orientation. At first meeting I thought I had been assigned a great nurse. She was a larger lady who had a big personality. I ate lunch with her and some other employees and man could she crack the jokes, especially about other people (hindsight is 20/20 right?). Conversation was easy with her so I thought our match would be just fine. I couldn't have been more wrong. On my first day with her I figured out that she was a Methodist preacher's wife, and was devoutly religious. She also wasn't afraid to make homophobic slurs. I think that in the beginning she did not know I was gay. Let me also say that I don't feel that every bad thing that has happened to me is because I am gay, there are however some events that I feel were associated with my being gay and this happens to be one of them. The day that things changed and she changed was the day that a co-worker asked to be my friend on Facebook. Deciding now was as good of a time as any, I added that co-worker. My mentor happened to be friends with that person as well. I did my share of lying by replacing my partner with a "she" when I talked. Amy and I had some personality differences too. I was a strong graduate nurse and she was a very domineering nurse, and I feel that those two do not match at all. We would struggle when she wanted to teach me how to put a cap on something or some other mundane task. Either way she began to make comments about me being too "know it all" and to be careful. I am smart enough to know when enough is enough and I do not feel I ever crossed that line as a graduate nurse. Long story short, one day I am called to HR over a medication test and am told that they heard I was trying to get a job in the ED and that it didn't appear to be a good match for either of us and they felt the best course of action was for me to keep the portion of the bonus that had been given to me and part ways. I was also reminded that they are a Christian organization and have certain values that they operate by. I knew that I was going to lose this one so I said fine and left. That little situation caused me a lot of hardship, but it was for the best as I was able to grow more independently as an ED nurse than I could have grown there.
That was the last time that to this point in life I feel that my orientation was discriminated against. My other jobs (in small towns) have been very accepting and I haven't faced any problems such as the others I discussed. I have had the occasional talking, but that's to be expected everywhere.
The only other thing I can remember at this time was over a gay church. I was at my current job and was trying to look up some gay churches in Abilene to attend. Well gay or gay friendly. When I searched them I was met with a internet block that blocked the gay church page due to "LGBT Issues". I was pretty offended by that and at this point my boss and I had experienced a decline in our relationship and the only answer I was given was that internet is for work only and it isn't personal. Not much of an explanation at all.
I think the irony here is that one would probably think my experiences would be very bad since I am in such a conservative area of Texas, but they have actually been pretty good. I am happy with the way I have been treated for the most part and feel blessed. I hope thank God every day for letting my first RN job happen the way it did, that's what I needed to find myself.
I am not saying that you just need to let loose and come out, it is always important to gauge your situation and make a move that you are comfortable with, but it is okay to be yourself. I went from being in the closet and referring to my partner as "she" or "her" to saying "him" or "my partner" when asked. I didn't parade around letting everyone know I was gay, because frankly I don't think it is everyone's business, but I did quite hiding so much and too my surprise, it wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be.
If you have any experiences you would like to share, please feel free to do so!
I think my perception of how life would be in the work place has always been off. I blew things way out of proportion and convinced myself that I was going to always have to wear a cloak of "straightness" in order to get by. I couldn't have been more wrong.
"The Substitute Teacher"
My first job was as a substitute teacher for the school district I grew up in. I grew up in a small town named Snyder, Texas which is a dot in the middle if you draw a triangle from Midland to Lubbock to Abilene and then finally back to Midland. Our only claim to fame is the White Buffalo (an albino buffalo) that was killed quite some time ago. We had a population of about 10,500 people and one school district in town.
From a pretty young age I had enjoyed the idea of teaching. I remember creating lesson plans for my stuffed animals and collecting as many library books as I could so that I could later play library and make my mother check out books and take AR (Accelerated Reader) tests on the books. I was definitely a nerd in all aspects. I was disappointed to discover that due to schedule transition my high school was partaking (block to modified block to 8 period days) that I was not able to take the senior class where you assisted an elementary teacher in his/her class. When I turned 18 I figured I would take a shot and put in an application to substitute. At that point my college classes were during the days so there was only a select set of days I could work. I remember the first day I worked was in October of 2006 and I loved it. I was right in my element. The kids loved me and I loved them. Many of the staff had been there when I was young so it was fun to see them again and to work beside them. After a couple of half-days as a substitute I began to create a name for myself and the teachers started requesting me for their classes. After my first semester of college I decided that I wanted to pursue substitute teaching full-time so I started going to college online in order to be available to substitute. I was kept pretty busy by the school. In February 2007 I met my partner. At this point I was out to only two or three of my friends and my partner wasn't out to anyone. Our love story is one for another day, but needless to say since I was now 19, he was a high school student and was 17. Since he was still in school and I worked for the district, I knew that eventually our paths might cross. They finally did one day when I was called to sub for a high school class. I hated the idea of even doing it in the first place. Why would they put an 18 year old who had partied and hung out with these people in a room and tell them to listen to him? I am not sure but thank God it wasn't a complete disaster. I did have my partner in one of the periods, but all I did was complete his homework for him. Nothing else was significant about that day. My overall experience with the school district was good. I was not publicly out at this time, but by my last semester working there it had become a rather large rumor. I don't know if I had to cover it up as much as I did, or if that was just my paranoid perception. I really didn't parade around as being in a relationship with a girl, just kept my private life very private. I think the only time I actually experienced negativity due to my perceived orientation was with two third grade teacher's ones name was Kim and the other was Esther (yep that's right, and she was actually young). It was ironic that I had trouble with them because they were actually the ones who requested me in the beginning. I had been doing the job long enough to know that I had to cover my ass any time I deviated from a teachers lesson plan. At the beginning of the 2008 Spring semester the teacher Kim was sick and wasn't able to come in. I was asked to cover for her and of course I did with no hesitation. Once I arrived and sat at the desk I realized that I may have inherited a problem. Since she had not been in the building since school let out which meant there was no lesson plan for me to follow. Thank God a teacher named Mrs. James came in and helped me and we looked at the desk and she found a work book that was for the standardized test in Texas. She told me to teach several of the modules and have the students complete them. Simple enough it would seem. However, it wasn't simple at all. About a week or two after the teacher got back I was called to visit with the school principle. She wanted to know why I had made up my own lesson plan, deviated from the one written, and why I was playing computer games. Every accusation was false, but I then realized that there was a snake in the grass. I had essentially been set up. I didn't know the extent at the time, but I knew that something was fishy. I explained how I did not have a lesson plan to go by and how the other teacher and myself had went over things and she told me to go with the lesson book. Apparently Kim had told the principal that I used the book she wanted to save for her to teach to the kids and had ruined her entire Spring lesson plan by completing a few modules. A bit dramatic for my taste, but either way I saw what this was. I also knew that I had not been playing computer games and my school work must have been confused (my A&P lab looked like a video game) with games. After explaining myself pretty clearly the principal was happy with the answer, but I had to do some digging of my own. Come to find out, my then "best friend' (notice the quotations) was having some difficulties with my being gay and so his solution was to be truthful with certain people who asked. He decided to tell the assistant tennis coach (I played while he was assistant) that I was gay after the coach asked him because he had heard rumors. I then figured out that his sister was Kim the teacher, and that they were a very religious family whom had made homophobic slurs around others. Once I put that part of the puzzle together I then figured out about two days after he told the coach was when I was turned into the principal. I also heard that Esther and Kim were part of some homophobic slandering at my expense from some other teachers whom I was close to. Either way, it was pretty obvious that they didn't like my being gay and working around kids and had almost succeeded in getting rid of me. I never worked for them again, and they rarely made eye contact with me the rest of the time. I will throw out that Esther's part in this was rumored, but a very close friend witnessed it so I have to believe them. Either way, even if my orientation had nothing to do with it, it was a nasty move on any persons part, especially an adult who teaches children.
"College"
I worked for the same hospital for the rest of my undergraduate. I don't remember a time where I was mistreated there because I was gay. I actually had a very open and loving group and they supported me. We had other gay team members and it was like one big family. I learned so much from them and feel so blessed to have had them mold me into the nurse I am today.
"Abilene"
My father passed away unexpectedly in November of 2009. The details of that are for another day, but his passing molded the decisions I made for quite some time. From the time I moved to Lubbock and began working in the Pedi ICU, I thought that I would grow my career from there and develop a life in Lubbock. After my dad died I had to rethink that plan. As the eldest of two sons, I felt I had a responsibility to take care of my mother. I only speak to my fathers step-mother, and do not associate with any of his blood relatives so when he passed my mother decided to move to Abilene where all of here family was. As a graduate of a university with a BSN, it was pretty easy to line up a first job. I had to decline a job at Pedi ICU because I knew I needed to be in Abilene with the rest of my family. Family is a big thing to me and I didn't want to be so far from them. I received a good offer from a reputable hospital in Abilene and felt that their "critical care residency" program for nurses was a great thing. I thought that a transition from Pedi ICU to adult ICU wouldn't be too hard. Man was I wrong. The first day I walked into my new job as a graduate nurse I knew it didn't fit. It just didn't feel right. The vibe I received from the hospital was just... off. Despite all of this I knew having a job was very important so I stuck it through. Once we finished our residency/orientation (which was all on a computer and very boring) we were assigned a nurse who was our mentor for the duration of our orientation. At first meeting I thought I had been assigned a great nurse. She was a larger lady who had a big personality. I ate lunch with her and some other employees and man could she crack the jokes, especially about other people (hindsight is 20/20 right?). Conversation was easy with her so I thought our match would be just fine. I couldn't have been more wrong. On my first day with her I figured out that she was a Methodist preacher's wife, and was devoutly religious. She also wasn't afraid to make homophobic slurs. I think that in the beginning she did not know I was gay. Let me also say that I don't feel that every bad thing that has happened to me is because I am gay, there are however some events that I feel were associated with my being gay and this happens to be one of them. The day that things changed and she changed was the day that a co-worker asked to be my friend on Facebook. Deciding now was as good of a time as any, I added that co-worker. My mentor happened to be friends with that person as well. I did my share of lying by replacing my partner with a "she" when I talked. Amy and I had some personality differences too. I was a strong graduate nurse and she was a very domineering nurse, and I feel that those two do not match at all. We would struggle when she wanted to teach me how to put a cap on something or some other mundane task. Either way she began to make comments about me being too "know it all" and to be careful. I am smart enough to know when enough is enough and I do not feel I ever crossed that line as a graduate nurse. Long story short, one day I am called to HR over a medication test and am told that they heard I was trying to get a job in the ED and that it didn't appear to be a good match for either of us and they felt the best course of action was for me to keep the portion of the bonus that had been given to me and part ways. I was also reminded that they are a Christian organization and have certain values that they operate by. I knew that I was going to lose this one so I said fine and left. That little situation caused me a lot of hardship, but it was for the best as I was able to grow more independently as an ED nurse than I could have grown there.
That was the last time that to this point in life I feel that my orientation was discriminated against. My other jobs (in small towns) have been very accepting and I haven't faced any problems such as the others I discussed. I have had the occasional talking, but that's to be expected everywhere.
The only other thing I can remember at this time was over a gay church. I was at my current job and was trying to look up some gay churches in Abilene to attend. Well gay or gay friendly. When I searched them I was met with a internet block that blocked the gay church page due to "LGBT Issues". I was pretty offended by that and at this point my boss and I had experienced a decline in our relationship and the only answer I was given was that internet is for work only and it isn't personal. Not much of an explanation at all.
I think the irony here is that one would probably think my experiences would be very bad since I am in such a conservative area of Texas, but they have actually been pretty good. I am happy with the way I have been treated for the most part and feel blessed. I hope thank God every day for letting my first RN job happen the way it did, that's what I needed to find myself.
I am not saying that you just need to let loose and come out, it is always important to gauge your situation and make a move that you are comfortable with, but it is okay to be yourself. I went from being in the closet and referring to my partner as "she" or "her" to saying "him" or "my partner" when asked. I didn't parade around letting everyone know I was gay, because frankly I don't think it is everyone's business, but I did quite hiding so much and too my surprise, it wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be.
If you have any experiences you would like to share, please feel free to do so!
My Coming Out Story
I figured that I should address some gay issues since the blog is supposed to be about that!
I decided that first thing is first, here is my coming out story.
I came out when I was 18. It was actually a weird circumstance because the person I came out too was a friend that I had only been hanging out with for 4 or 5 months. We had hung out in the past when I was in junior high, but miss-communication led to the end of the friendship in junior high. It was until my friend was getting ready to leave town for West Point Military Academy that we actually crossed paths again and hung out when it was my friends last night of "freedom". It was an odd twist because I had spent my high school years hating him because I associated him with the group he hung out with who were homophobic "ish-jocks". They weren't the A team, but they were athletes. I was also an athlete, but we didn't share the same group of friends, other than that one. We all hung out that night as if we had never disliked each other and then a couple of days later we had left some X-Box games at my friends house and we both met up to get our games. That ended up with a plan for the night and then our friendship starting again. After we discussed it we figured out that we both disliked each other for similar reasons, thinking that we both talked shit about each other. Once the air was cleared our friendship became one of my most valued ones.
My friend's name was John, and as we hung out more and more, we figured out that we really enjoyed just talking to each other and it was a breath of fresh air for the both of us. We grew close over those few months and since he connected with me on such a deep level, I decided it would be appropriate to come out to him. I didn't just blurt it out, it was a much more cryptic conversation. Many peoples stories probably went something like this, I said that I needed to tell him something but feared his reaction and he reassured me that everything was cool and nothing would change that. Luckily he wasn't lying. He took the news well and said that he kinda already had an idea. John was one of those that could see through the masks' that people wear. It was as if he had X-Ray vision to your personality, it was very very hard to put up a front with him.
I can remember the conversation like it was yesterday. We were sitting on my parents driveway smoking cigarettes and chilling. Very few people in my life have made me feel as comfortable as John did. Probably the most interesting thing about the situation was that he is a straight man. John isn't one of those where you kinda think that he may or may not have a gay side to him. John is straight and about as straight as they come. I have never met a person who is so in-touch with their feelings like me until I met him. I think that is probably why we bonded, because we were so similar in that aspect. He was one of the few people who I could always spend time with or talk on the phone with and not be bored.
As time has gone on we still keep in touch, but with him graduating college and getting a full-time job this year, it has been hard for the both of us to keep in touch. I know that no matter how much time goes by, I always have a friend in him. He was there the day my dad died, in the hospital family room consoling my mother as she cried, and he was there when I was having any other issue. He is one of the few true best friends I have and God truly blessed me with his friendship. Not to say there aren't others who I am close to as well, but John will always have a special place in my heart. He helped me through one of the hardest times of my life and gave me such good advice. I thank him for making my coming out so easy because he was so helpful. I only hope that others out there can find their John's in this world. I mean how many straight guys would actually let you discuss Queer as Folk enough that he actually became entertained and interested in the plot. Not very many. He is and will always be a very special person.
I know that this blog is probably going to piss him off because it is all sappy and stuff, but I think that sometimes we don't always let others know how important they are to us. At times we tend to let life swift us away and forget to make that call to that good friend. I hope I never have to look back and regret losing John as a friend. John was a friend that proved years aren't always the most important factor in friendship and loyalty. I also recognize that thanks to John, I had it easy. Many struggle and have huge hurdles to overcome when they come out. I am not saying that I didn't face my own problems and hurdles, but John definitely made it an easier journey.
Thanks John.
Please feel free to share your own coming out story in our comments!
I decided that first thing is first, here is my coming out story.
I came out when I was 18. It was actually a weird circumstance because the person I came out too was a friend that I had only been hanging out with for 4 or 5 months. We had hung out in the past when I was in junior high, but miss-communication led to the end of the friendship in junior high. It was until my friend was getting ready to leave town for West Point Military Academy that we actually crossed paths again and hung out when it was my friends last night of "freedom". It was an odd twist because I had spent my high school years hating him because I associated him with the group he hung out with who were homophobic "ish-jocks". They weren't the A team, but they were athletes. I was also an athlete, but we didn't share the same group of friends, other than that one. We all hung out that night as if we had never disliked each other and then a couple of days later we had left some X-Box games at my friends house and we both met up to get our games. That ended up with a plan for the night and then our friendship starting again. After we discussed it we figured out that we both disliked each other for similar reasons, thinking that we both talked shit about each other. Once the air was cleared our friendship became one of my most valued ones.
My friend's name was John, and as we hung out more and more, we figured out that we really enjoyed just talking to each other and it was a breath of fresh air for the both of us. We grew close over those few months and since he connected with me on such a deep level, I decided it would be appropriate to come out to him. I didn't just blurt it out, it was a much more cryptic conversation. Many peoples stories probably went something like this, I said that I needed to tell him something but feared his reaction and he reassured me that everything was cool and nothing would change that. Luckily he wasn't lying. He took the news well and said that he kinda already had an idea. John was one of those that could see through the masks' that people wear. It was as if he had X-Ray vision to your personality, it was very very hard to put up a front with him.
I can remember the conversation like it was yesterday. We were sitting on my parents driveway smoking cigarettes and chilling. Very few people in my life have made me feel as comfortable as John did. Probably the most interesting thing about the situation was that he is a straight man. John isn't one of those where you kinda think that he may or may not have a gay side to him. John is straight and about as straight as they come. I have never met a person who is so in-touch with their feelings like me until I met him. I think that is probably why we bonded, because we were so similar in that aspect. He was one of the few people who I could always spend time with or talk on the phone with and not be bored.
As time has gone on we still keep in touch, but with him graduating college and getting a full-time job this year, it has been hard for the both of us to keep in touch. I know that no matter how much time goes by, I always have a friend in him. He was there the day my dad died, in the hospital family room consoling my mother as she cried, and he was there when I was having any other issue. He is one of the few true best friends I have and God truly blessed me with his friendship. Not to say there aren't others who I am close to as well, but John will always have a special place in my heart. He helped me through one of the hardest times of my life and gave me such good advice. I thank him for making my coming out so easy because he was so helpful. I only hope that others out there can find their John's in this world. I mean how many straight guys would actually let you discuss Queer as Folk enough that he actually became entertained and interested in the plot. Not very many. He is and will always be a very special person.
I know that this blog is probably going to piss him off because it is all sappy and stuff, but I think that sometimes we don't always let others know how important they are to us. At times we tend to let life swift us away and forget to make that call to that good friend. I hope I never have to look back and regret losing John as a friend. John was a friend that proved years aren't always the most important factor in friendship and loyalty. I also recognize that thanks to John, I had it easy. Many struggle and have huge hurdles to overcome when they come out. I am not saying that I didn't face my own problems and hurdles, but John definitely made it an easier journey.
Thanks John.
Please feel free to share your own coming out story in our comments!
Monday, September 2, 2013
Emergency Room Abuse and the Taxes You Pay
First of all I want to make it clear that I am liberal, want a social medicine system, and do believe that everyone deserves quality healthcare. That is my disclaimer.
Emergency Room Abuse and the Taxes You Pay
What constitutes an emergency to you? A car wreck, seizures, amputation of limbs, or large cuts? I believe they are emergencies and we take care of those on a frequent basis, but unfortunately we spend much of our time and resources seeing people that are not "emergentaly" sick and could benefit from going to a clinic and obtaining a primary care physician.
Understanding the Abusers
I hate placing a label on anyone or anything. I am not racist and I do not lack empathy for the poor or anyone. I actually have a very good amount of empathy and I can thank my mother and father for that. I understand some of the situations, but what constitutes abuse or fraud.
First I think it is important that we look at those who visit the ER for non-emergent issues. Statistics point to women between the ages of 18-40 as those who visit the ER the most for non-emergent issues, but there are other populations as well. As an ER nurse I see who comes in first hand. The ER is so abused that I constantly have to explain why my job isn't like a TV show. Even I thought that the ER saw much more excitement and critical patients than we actually do. I would say (without actually figuring) that 85-90% of the patients we see are non-emergent and could be seen at a clinic. The problem with a clinic is that they can ask for money up-front. The amount varies depending on the clinic, but usually is less than $100. At the ER our hands are practically tied because in order to ask for money prior to services rendered, we have to prove that without a doubt the patient is not experiencing an emergent condition. While we could do that on the majority, one would essentially fall through the cracks and would end up costing the hospital millions in court costs. So the answer is to simply see everyone.
The majority of patients that we see for non-emergent conditions are part of two different groups. The first group is the uninsured. There are people out there who do not have medical insurance and legitimately need medical care, but being in the ER does not fix things. In the ER our goal is to remedy the acute condition and refer you to a primary physician. For example, if someone comes into the hospital for pneumonia and doesn't need to be admitted but just treated with antibiotics and steroids, they really need to follow up with a physician or provider in a couple days to ensure that they are getting better. Unfortunately many of them do not follow up and some don't even get their medications filled. They will come back, sicker than they were, and when we ask them if they are taking their medication they say no because they don't have the money. If they don't we understand that, but most of the time these are medications that can be bought at Wal-Mart for $4. What makes it even worse is if they are smokers, have a cell phone, or are alcoholics (or all the above). I have told a patient more than once that they could skip a pack of cigarettes to get their antibiotic, or change their cellular service to a cheaper plan. I smoked up until this April so I told them that I understand the addiction, but I also make sure that I can take care of any illness over smoking. I am not going to put off medications that I really need for a pack of cigarettes. They act like they understand and put on the front that they are going to change, but unfortunately the majority of them don't.
There are also a good amount of the patient who are on Government benefits such as Medicaid, disability, or other programs. There are bad apples in every system, but why is it that the majority of our ER patients are not emergent and yet they are going to the ER and racking up a $1000 bill that we will all have to pay for via taxes. Take the information from a study that was performed by the Texas Integrated Care Collaboration that identified nine patients who as a group had 2,678 ER visits. Nine people! Those nine also received state assistance (Medicaid), and as a Medicaid patient, they are not responsible for any amount of the money. These people know that they don't have to pay an overage or anything like that, so they use the ER's as their primary care clinics, which can interfere with the care of truly sick patients. I have seen 2 year-olds that have over 30 ER visits, and they aren't coming for a chronic condition that is emergent but rather for diaper rash's or snotty nose. Many of the conditions that they present for could be managed at home, but why go to the store and buy medication when you can go to the ER for free and get a prescription for something as cheap as ibuprofen? It is not the child's fault, the parent is the one making them do this.
It isn't uncommon for us to have a parent bring a very young child in the ER in the middle of the night for "fever". When you ask the mother what was the fever and what did she give, you may get the answer of, "I don't know, I don't have a thermometer he just feels hot, and I don't have any medicine at home." They know very well that they can go to a gas station and get the medication, but they choose not too. Instead your hard earned money that is taken by the taxes goes to pay a $1000 bill for a child that got one does of ibuprofen in the ER and was sent home with a viral illness.
There are many other examples that I could use but for times sake and my hopes that you will keep reading, lets move on...
Who's to Blame?
I think this is a very important question. Not because it is important to attach blame, but because we need to understand that these problems are not just isolated to one person or system. America is the last industrialized nation to not adopt a social style of medicine. As a nurse (and future nurse practitioner) the medical system is important to me, and I to often hear how "Obama" has ruined our healthcare system and now we are just going to have moochers on the system and lose all of the good doctors.
That couldn't be further from the truth. We already have a system for those who don't have money, Medicaid. So Obama implementing these changes could change the people who are on Medicaid and make them have a bit more financial responsibility. Second, if you have insurance and have for quite some time, you should blame them for essentially screwing you and taking advantage of you.
Lets play this out... I will use myself as an example. I would consider myself to have good health, I have a heart condition, but it is easily managed at this point. It probably cost's my employer around $150/month to insure me, and if I want optimal coverage, I am going to elect to pay $60 more a month for the best plan. So in the end the insurance company is making $210 a month on me. Now if we total that cost to a yearly amount, the insurance company has made $2520.00 on me. Now lets look at what I cost THEM. I'll make up an average and say that twice a year I have to have antibiotics and then my maintenance medications. I probably see a doctor no more than 5 times a year, and don't have any major operations. For the medications I figure that they pay somewhere around $1000.00 a year. Next is the doctor visits, those run around $175 a pop. So if I go 5 times it cost's them $875 (procedures, lab work, and other items included). So in the end I have costed them $1,875.00. One could easily argue that even though it is short, in the long term I will win if I get sick, but we haven't figured the cost that I have paid. It would be perfect and just fine if they were paying the entire amount and profiting one year and maybe not the next, but even with prime coverage, I am responsible for deductibles and other things. If you have ever dealt with an insurance company you know that they can be hell. I remember I went to the ER for my heart having abnormal beats. I was diagnosed with PVC's and they billed me $2000 for an EKG, some Lab Work, and a pill that is $4 bucks for a month's prescription at Wal-Mart. I figure ok, I have an 80/20 plan so I will owe the ER $160.00 plus my deductible which I paid at the door. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. The insurance company denied the claim the first time and said it was a pre-existing condition. I had my physician send records over that showed I had NEVER had that diagnosis. Even with that evidence they would not move, and this was one of the largest insurance providers in Texas and supposed to be the best. The continued to come up with excuse after excuse and at the same time I have the hospital hitting me up for a crazy bill with no savings from my insurance. I finally told the hospital that they need to discuss this with my insurance company and that I would only pay what I should which was 20% of that visit. I don't know how it worked out, but I am sure it hurt my credit.
The moral of that story is that you may think you have saved because your medication is cheaper and you don't have near as much out of pocket as you think, but when you break it down, you have also paid money out of your pocket while they still see a profit. I understand that like everything else insurance is a business of profit and it wouldn't work if they didn't make money, but that's why I believe that a social system is so effective. You have essentially one insurance provider, your government, and there is no competition. When you eliminate the competition and possible profit, you end up with lower costs for you as well as less of a chance that your care may be effected by you insurance status because even though no hospital can legally do it, it happens all the time.
So when deciding who to blame I think there are a few systems to blame. First CMS (Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services) because they have not required these people who carry their insurance for free to be responsible. Whats wrong with telling them that if their condition is non-emergent than they will be responsible. It doesn't have to be extremely strict, they can just say that if you go for a condition such as a cold or something that can be remedied at home then you will pay for it. They could also require the hospital to tell you that your condition is non-emergent and you will be liable for the bill. It won't fix things but it is a good start. There is also the whole thing concerning people who are addicts, smokers, or people who have very nice cars and high tech devices. I am sorry but if you have a better car and phone than I do, you don't need government aid. I have taken care of someone who was on disability, had hepatitis C and Cirrhosis of the Liver, and a very nice smart phone along with a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. This person was in the ER first because his/her significant other was in a fight and got beat up. After being told that the staff were in there with him and it would be a minute before she could come back, she went to the waiting room. After she asked for the 3rd time, she decided that she needed to check in because her knee hurt and she was in the fight. She had a SCRAPE on her knee and it appeared as if she was checking in out of some kind of boredom. This costed around $1000. Not only did we eat the bill, but she did not work and received disability checks, so we were paying for her to smoke, use her phone, get drunk, and abuse privileges. Shouldn't what she purchases and if she abuses substances be part of the package when determining her eligibility? Why is she able to abuse the system so easy? Yet we want to blame the Democrats for Obama care when we obviously already have a huge problem. To shut any Republican up, know this, there is NO perfect welfare system and no matter who is the president, it will be abused and used in the same way until someone does something, which is what our president has done.
The next one to blame is the people who receive these services. If they abuse the Medicaid services, they have most likely been told by an ER provider that they are doing it, and they have continued to do it. There are also some women who have said they got pregnant because they needed health and dental insurance along with government aid, how does this work? See the above as well for those who abuse the services. The fact is that common sense tells you that a diaper rash isn't an emergency, but they keep on coming.
I also think that hospitals have to accept some blame here. The hospitals are the ones who continue to see these non-emergent patients and do extensive workups that aren't necessary. Many of these hospitals could require payment for non-emergent services but they choose not to. Their reasons differ, but the fact that they do this is enough to place some blame with them.
Finally I blame the uninsured who take no initiative to obtain resources for healthcare. My mother and brother are uninsured because of the cost, so I can definitely talk about this without being in a glass house. The difference between those who go to the ER because they don't have to pay and my mother is that instead of abusing the ER she paid to see a physician and when she required ER services and surgery, she spoke with the hospitals and qualified for assistance. The resources are there, but it requires work on the part of the patient, the resources aren't going to find you, you find them. Purse laziness sticks the hospital with bills that will never get paid.
Will there ever be a solution?
Maybe, but it depends on the state you live in.
Some states such as Washington have implemented laws that instruct the hospitals to not do extensive work-ups on non-emergent visits or those that would be better served in the clinic. The bills aren't on the patient, but on the hospital, which drives the hospital to deliver cost-effective and non-excessive healthcare. One could say this isn't a solution, but the hospital can require payment for non-emergent visits (some kind of co-pay) in the ER and the patient then makes the decisions whether or not it is worth it to get care in the ER versus a clinic.
My personal preference is to get rid of the capitalistic portion of medicine. I believe capitalism is very important for an effective society, but it has its limitations and place, and healthcare is not the place. Why are CEO's of non-profit hospitals making upwards of $500,000 versus for-profit CEO's who average much lower in the $200,000 - $300,000 range. Those are both great salaries, but I would assume that a for-profit would make more profit yet they are paying more taxes as the non-profit's pay no taxes and zoom by with extreme salaries. CEO salaries don't have much to do with it other than it shows that we are backwards on the system. Second we need to remove the insurance aspect and rely on one payer, the government. The price of medicine (the practice) has doubled over the past ten years in many areas and there seems to be no end in sight. What drives this increase? I think private insurance does. If they know that a private company will pay 80%, why not increase the amount you charge so that you make up for losses on government insured and those without insurance? Why not? Because it is wrong, why should we punish those who have insurance by increasing the prices. Ultimately the one who suffers from our private healthcare system is those who have insurance and pay their bills. The hospitals rely on you and tax dollars for support and they make sure they get their money. If we reduced it to one payer (the government), there would be no reason to continue to raise the price of a procedure unless you are staying with the cost of living and cost of procedure. Essentially all citizens would pay taxes for a program that could be ran without the "money" aspect and could focus on better care instead of how to make a quick dollar. Critics say that this won't work and we lose quality in care, but if that were true then why do Americans go overseas at times to get medical care for rare conditions and why are we not the healthiest and longest living people on earth?
It's time for people to get out of their denial and realize it's time for a change. The system is flawed and although there is no perfect system, a good start would be to figure out a way to fix some of the problems. Obama made it his personal mission to overhaul healthcare and although you'll hear from those that don't work in healthcare and some that do, I promise you this, the current plan is flawed much more than you think, and it is not going to get better until we overhaul and implement Obama's plan. It is not a fix all, but it is a start at fixing a very flawed system.
To decide what side of the issue you are on (capitalism / all private medicine or social medicine) answer this one question...
Are you comfortable paying $100 dollars for than triple antibiotic ointment packet that costed the hospital less than a dollar for you laceration repair, and are you ok with paying $40 dollars for 2 Tylenol?
If you answered no, which I hope you did, then the current system is not for you, because this is what hospitals are doing to their patients, especially if you have insurance (not the other way around).
*The views/opinions expressed above are just that, opinions, no privacy violation or defamation is intended thus why no names are listed. If you have any problems with the above information please notify the author.*
Emergency Room Abuse and the Taxes You Pay
What constitutes an emergency to you? A car wreck, seizures, amputation of limbs, or large cuts? I believe they are emergencies and we take care of those on a frequent basis, but unfortunately we spend much of our time and resources seeing people that are not "emergentaly" sick and could benefit from going to a clinic and obtaining a primary care physician.
Understanding the Abusers
I hate placing a label on anyone or anything. I am not racist and I do not lack empathy for the poor or anyone. I actually have a very good amount of empathy and I can thank my mother and father for that. I understand some of the situations, but what constitutes abuse or fraud.
First I think it is important that we look at those who visit the ER for non-emergent issues. Statistics point to women between the ages of 18-40 as those who visit the ER the most for non-emergent issues, but there are other populations as well. As an ER nurse I see who comes in first hand. The ER is so abused that I constantly have to explain why my job isn't like a TV show. Even I thought that the ER saw much more excitement and critical patients than we actually do. I would say (without actually figuring) that 85-90% of the patients we see are non-emergent and could be seen at a clinic. The problem with a clinic is that they can ask for money up-front. The amount varies depending on the clinic, but usually is less than $100. At the ER our hands are practically tied because in order to ask for money prior to services rendered, we have to prove that without a doubt the patient is not experiencing an emergent condition. While we could do that on the majority, one would essentially fall through the cracks and would end up costing the hospital millions in court costs. So the answer is to simply see everyone.
The majority of patients that we see for non-emergent conditions are part of two different groups. The first group is the uninsured. There are people out there who do not have medical insurance and legitimately need medical care, but being in the ER does not fix things. In the ER our goal is to remedy the acute condition and refer you to a primary physician. For example, if someone comes into the hospital for pneumonia and doesn't need to be admitted but just treated with antibiotics and steroids, they really need to follow up with a physician or provider in a couple days to ensure that they are getting better. Unfortunately many of them do not follow up and some don't even get their medications filled. They will come back, sicker than they were, and when we ask them if they are taking their medication they say no because they don't have the money. If they don't we understand that, but most of the time these are medications that can be bought at Wal-Mart for $4. What makes it even worse is if they are smokers, have a cell phone, or are alcoholics (or all the above). I have told a patient more than once that they could skip a pack of cigarettes to get their antibiotic, or change their cellular service to a cheaper plan. I smoked up until this April so I told them that I understand the addiction, but I also make sure that I can take care of any illness over smoking. I am not going to put off medications that I really need for a pack of cigarettes. They act like they understand and put on the front that they are going to change, but unfortunately the majority of them don't.
There are also a good amount of the patient who are on Government benefits such as Medicaid, disability, or other programs. There are bad apples in every system, but why is it that the majority of our ER patients are not emergent and yet they are going to the ER and racking up a $1000 bill that we will all have to pay for via taxes. Take the information from a study that was performed by the Texas Integrated Care Collaboration that identified nine patients who as a group had 2,678 ER visits. Nine people! Those nine also received state assistance (Medicaid), and as a Medicaid patient, they are not responsible for any amount of the money. These people know that they don't have to pay an overage or anything like that, so they use the ER's as their primary care clinics, which can interfere with the care of truly sick patients. I have seen 2 year-olds that have over 30 ER visits, and they aren't coming for a chronic condition that is emergent but rather for diaper rash's or snotty nose. Many of the conditions that they present for could be managed at home, but why go to the store and buy medication when you can go to the ER for free and get a prescription for something as cheap as ibuprofen? It is not the child's fault, the parent is the one making them do this.
It isn't uncommon for us to have a parent bring a very young child in the ER in the middle of the night for "fever". When you ask the mother what was the fever and what did she give, you may get the answer of, "I don't know, I don't have a thermometer he just feels hot, and I don't have any medicine at home." They know very well that they can go to a gas station and get the medication, but they choose not too. Instead your hard earned money that is taken by the taxes goes to pay a $1000 bill for a child that got one does of ibuprofen in the ER and was sent home with a viral illness.
There are many other examples that I could use but for times sake and my hopes that you will keep reading, lets move on...
Who's to Blame?
I think this is a very important question. Not because it is important to attach blame, but because we need to understand that these problems are not just isolated to one person or system. America is the last industrialized nation to not adopt a social style of medicine. As a nurse (and future nurse practitioner) the medical system is important to me, and I to often hear how "Obama" has ruined our healthcare system and now we are just going to have moochers on the system and lose all of the good doctors.
That couldn't be further from the truth. We already have a system for those who don't have money, Medicaid. So Obama implementing these changes could change the people who are on Medicaid and make them have a bit more financial responsibility. Second, if you have insurance and have for quite some time, you should blame them for essentially screwing you and taking advantage of you.
Lets play this out... I will use myself as an example. I would consider myself to have good health, I have a heart condition, but it is easily managed at this point. It probably cost's my employer around $150/month to insure me, and if I want optimal coverage, I am going to elect to pay $60 more a month for the best plan. So in the end the insurance company is making $210 a month on me. Now if we total that cost to a yearly amount, the insurance company has made $2520.00 on me. Now lets look at what I cost THEM. I'll make up an average and say that twice a year I have to have antibiotics and then my maintenance medications. I probably see a doctor no more than 5 times a year, and don't have any major operations. For the medications I figure that they pay somewhere around $1000.00 a year. Next is the doctor visits, those run around $175 a pop. So if I go 5 times it cost's them $875 (procedures, lab work, and other items included). So in the end I have costed them $1,875.00. One could easily argue that even though it is short, in the long term I will win if I get sick, but we haven't figured the cost that I have paid. It would be perfect and just fine if they were paying the entire amount and profiting one year and maybe not the next, but even with prime coverage, I am responsible for deductibles and other things. If you have ever dealt with an insurance company you know that they can be hell. I remember I went to the ER for my heart having abnormal beats. I was diagnosed with PVC's and they billed me $2000 for an EKG, some Lab Work, and a pill that is $4 bucks for a month's prescription at Wal-Mart. I figure ok, I have an 80/20 plan so I will owe the ER $160.00 plus my deductible which I paid at the door. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. The insurance company denied the claim the first time and said it was a pre-existing condition. I had my physician send records over that showed I had NEVER had that diagnosis. Even with that evidence they would not move, and this was one of the largest insurance providers in Texas and supposed to be the best. The continued to come up with excuse after excuse and at the same time I have the hospital hitting me up for a crazy bill with no savings from my insurance. I finally told the hospital that they need to discuss this with my insurance company and that I would only pay what I should which was 20% of that visit. I don't know how it worked out, but I am sure it hurt my credit.
The moral of that story is that you may think you have saved because your medication is cheaper and you don't have near as much out of pocket as you think, but when you break it down, you have also paid money out of your pocket while they still see a profit. I understand that like everything else insurance is a business of profit and it wouldn't work if they didn't make money, but that's why I believe that a social system is so effective. You have essentially one insurance provider, your government, and there is no competition. When you eliminate the competition and possible profit, you end up with lower costs for you as well as less of a chance that your care may be effected by you insurance status because even though no hospital can legally do it, it happens all the time.
So when deciding who to blame I think there are a few systems to blame. First CMS (Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services) because they have not required these people who carry their insurance for free to be responsible. Whats wrong with telling them that if their condition is non-emergent than they will be responsible. It doesn't have to be extremely strict, they can just say that if you go for a condition such as a cold or something that can be remedied at home then you will pay for it. They could also require the hospital to tell you that your condition is non-emergent and you will be liable for the bill. It won't fix things but it is a good start. There is also the whole thing concerning people who are addicts, smokers, or people who have very nice cars and high tech devices. I am sorry but if you have a better car and phone than I do, you don't need government aid. I have taken care of someone who was on disability, had hepatitis C and Cirrhosis of the Liver, and a very nice smart phone along with a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. This person was in the ER first because his/her significant other was in a fight and got beat up. After being told that the staff were in there with him and it would be a minute before she could come back, she went to the waiting room. After she asked for the 3rd time, she decided that she needed to check in because her knee hurt and she was in the fight. She had a SCRAPE on her knee and it appeared as if she was checking in out of some kind of boredom. This costed around $1000. Not only did we eat the bill, but she did not work and received disability checks, so we were paying for her to smoke, use her phone, get drunk, and abuse privileges. Shouldn't what she purchases and if she abuses substances be part of the package when determining her eligibility? Why is she able to abuse the system so easy? Yet we want to blame the Democrats for Obama care when we obviously already have a huge problem. To shut any Republican up, know this, there is NO perfect welfare system and no matter who is the president, it will be abused and used in the same way until someone does something, which is what our president has done.
The next one to blame is the people who receive these services. If they abuse the Medicaid services, they have most likely been told by an ER provider that they are doing it, and they have continued to do it. There are also some women who have said they got pregnant because they needed health and dental insurance along with government aid, how does this work? See the above as well for those who abuse the services. The fact is that common sense tells you that a diaper rash isn't an emergency, but they keep on coming.
I also think that hospitals have to accept some blame here. The hospitals are the ones who continue to see these non-emergent patients and do extensive workups that aren't necessary. Many of these hospitals could require payment for non-emergent services but they choose not to. Their reasons differ, but the fact that they do this is enough to place some blame with them.
Finally I blame the uninsured who take no initiative to obtain resources for healthcare. My mother and brother are uninsured because of the cost, so I can definitely talk about this without being in a glass house. The difference between those who go to the ER because they don't have to pay and my mother is that instead of abusing the ER she paid to see a physician and when she required ER services and surgery, she spoke with the hospitals and qualified for assistance. The resources are there, but it requires work on the part of the patient, the resources aren't going to find you, you find them. Purse laziness sticks the hospital with bills that will never get paid.
Will there ever be a solution?
Maybe, but it depends on the state you live in.
Some states such as Washington have implemented laws that instruct the hospitals to not do extensive work-ups on non-emergent visits or those that would be better served in the clinic. The bills aren't on the patient, but on the hospital, which drives the hospital to deliver cost-effective and non-excessive healthcare. One could say this isn't a solution, but the hospital can require payment for non-emergent visits (some kind of co-pay) in the ER and the patient then makes the decisions whether or not it is worth it to get care in the ER versus a clinic.
My personal preference is to get rid of the capitalistic portion of medicine. I believe capitalism is very important for an effective society, but it has its limitations and place, and healthcare is not the place. Why are CEO's of non-profit hospitals making upwards of $500,000 versus for-profit CEO's who average much lower in the $200,000 - $300,000 range. Those are both great salaries, but I would assume that a for-profit would make more profit yet they are paying more taxes as the non-profit's pay no taxes and zoom by with extreme salaries. CEO salaries don't have much to do with it other than it shows that we are backwards on the system. Second we need to remove the insurance aspect and rely on one payer, the government. The price of medicine (the practice) has doubled over the past ten years in many areas and there seems to be no end in sight. What drives this increase? I think private insurance does. If they know that a private company will pay 80%, why not increase the amount you charge so that you make up for losses on government insured and those without insurance? Why not? Because it is wrong, why should we punish those who have insurance by increasing the prices. Ultimately the one who suffers from our private healthcare system is those who have insurance and pay their bills. The hospitals rely on you and tax dollars for support and they make sure they get their money. If we reduced it to one payer (the government), there would be no reason to continue to raise the price of a procedure unless you are staying with the cost of living and cost of procedure. Essentially all citizens would pay taxes for a program that could be ran without the "money" aspect and could focus on better care instead of how to make a quick dollar. Critics say that this won't work and we lose quality in care, but if that were true then why do Americans go overseas at times to get medical care for rare conditions and why are we not the healthiest and longest living people on earth?
It's time for people to get out of their denial and realize it's time for a change. The system is flawed and although there is no perfect system, a good start would be to figure out a way to fix some of the problems. Obama made it his personal mission to overhaul healthcare and although you'll hear from those that don't work in healthcare and some that do, I promise you this, the current plan is flawed much more than you think, and it is not going to get better until we overhaul and implement Obama's plan. It is not a fix all, but it is a start at fixing a very flawed system.
To decide what side of the issue you are on (capitalism / all private medicine or social medicine) answer this one question...
Are you comfortable paying $100 dollars for than triple antibiotic ointment packet that costed the hospital less than a dollar for you laceration repair, and are you ok with paying $40 dollars for 2 Tylenol?
If you answered no, which I hope you did, then the current system is not for you, because this is what hospitals are doing to their patients, especially if you have insurance (not the other way around).
*The views/opinions expressed above are just that, opinions, no privacy violation or defamation is intended thus why no names are listed. If you have any problems with the above information please notify the author.*
It's a Boy!....It's Boys!!!
Last week my partner and I finally received a call we had been waiting for. Our adoption agency called and they had 2 brothers that they wanted to place with the hopes of it being permanent. We were thrilled due to their young age and the fact that they were brothers.
After the call we had so many things to do. Being a gay couple, we didn't want to disappoint, so there were things about the bedroom that we had to change. We had to find a new bed and find a way to accommodate 2 boys instead of one. After about 12 hours of shopping, putting furniture together, and preparing we finished the room. The boys would be coming that next day and we were so excited that sleep was quite hard.
It was finally the next morning and the anticipation was killing us. The boys arrived and we were so excited that we had to meet the vehicle out front. They were as cute as could be, and were already ready for a bath and change of clothes. We slowly got them moved in to the room and brought in their things and got them changed. They were just 2 cute boys and were happy and very receptive to us. Sure they had the typical things such as loud, jumping around a bit, and messing with anything that looked different. Overall they were being 2 boys and it was ok with us.
That's not to say that it was all hunky dory for us. We had that o' shit moment where we thought, "What in the hell have we gotten ourselves into?" We were happy about it, but we also knew that bringing in 2 boys was going to be a challenge. The boys were great and I was personally thrilled at the idea that we finally had our 2 boys which was the number we were looking for as far as adoptive sons were concerned. After that, the onslaught of negative events began to occur...
First was dealing with my job. One of the reasons I had chosen to stay at my job which is a night hospital supervisor and emergency department nurse at a hospital that's 60 miles from where I live was because my boss and I had discussed adoption and she was adamant that I would be able to get off and that the position was flexible and that's why I should keep working here. I have been staying in the town I work for my shifts, and then going home when I am off. I knew that once children were in my house that things were going to change and I was going to have to go home more frequently, which was fine with me. I was very aware of what changes would occur. I texted my boss the day we were told, which was one day before the boys would be there, and I told her that we were taking 2 boys in and that I really needed one night off so that I could be there with my partner and the children. I had already tried the supervisor opposite me, and he had plans for a concert and couldn't work. To my surprise my boss told me that since it is such a short notice (which she knew would be the case) I had to find my own coverage and that I should text some of our nurses that work for us as needed. That text alone pissed me off. I have worked my ass off for these people, worked for things anniversaries, "daughters personal issues", and other very insignificant issues. Those were days when I was supposed be off enjoying my day and getting my school work done, but instead I came to help because I was trying to be nice. It sure didn't help me much because my boss couldn't even mass text all the nurses. She sent me individual numbers and told me to contact them and that she could not work because even though she is the nurse manager on-call (means that if there is another nurse needed you have to work), she had "mini" plans on Saturday. So she was essentially telling me that even though she is supposed to work if someone needs it, she isn't going to because she made plans on a day that she may have to work. I finally found a nurse that was willing to work 4 or 5 hours for me (she has a day job too) and I appreciated that. I though it at least allowed me to spend a little time with the family and get them settled in. I was wrong on that one. I think that in retrospect, going to work has caused way more problems than it is/was worth.
The problems keep on flowing. I have always though of myself as a positive person, I mean I do blog when there is a chance no one will read a thing I say. While also gaining a perspective that I am a shit magnet and things aren't going to improve for me for quite some time. I won't bore you with those details but lets just say there has been some missed job opportunities, situations that should be positive but are not due to some details of them, and very bad luck in the adoption process.
The problems keep on flowing. I have always though of myself as a positive person, I mean I do blog when there is a chance no one will read a thing I say. While also gaining a perspective that I am a shit magnet and things aren't going to improve for me for quite some time. I won't bore you with those details but lets just say there has been some missed job opportunities, situations that should be positive but are not due to some details of them, and very bad luck in the adoption process.
So as the problems keep flowing, I am 60 miles away.
My partner and I agreed about 4 or 5 years ago that he would be a "stay at home dad" and I would work. This would allow me to have a job that may be demanding but paid well while he was always available. This also worked for us because as a nurse my schedule is a very demanding one and we are able to spend time with each other because he doesn't have to go anywhere. That being said, it has been three years since we have moved to our new home and he has been work and school free for three years. I don't hold anything against him because it was a mutual decision, but after three years, I would assume one would understand and be ready for the change since he is a part of this process as well.
Knowing I had to go to work, I knew that shit was going to hit the fan. My partner has his strengths, but one of his weaknesses is that he is extremely emotional and doesn't have very good critical thinking skills. He has a ton of practical knowledge, but applying critical thinking has never been one of them. Since I was going to be gone, I asked my brother who is 15 to stay at our house to help my partner out. He was more than willing to do so and know me and my partner well enough that he could handle the situation pretty well.
Even though I knew the negatives that were going to happen, I didn't think it was going to be near as negative for my partner as it has been. I knew it was going to be overwhelming for him and I told him that I would call in to work if he needed me too, and he declined each time. It may be selfish, but being 60 miles away and essentially having to work because we need the money, I feel so powerless in the situation. The first night I got a text as he went to bed and he was talking about how much he loved our new family. The next day was hell for him I suppose, because at the end of the day he is on the phone crying and saying that he doesn't know if this is what he wants. I tried explaining to him that I will quit where I work and take any job I can find if that is what he wants/needs, and that I am going to parent in any way possible. I need to get some work done on the car that I travel in, so I am not very quick to drive it back and forth more so than necessary. As the day and days went on, he continued to become more stressed. He finally started telling me that he doesn't know if this is what he wants and he wants his old life back. What do I say to that? I mean who wouldn't like to be back from having 2 kids to it being just you and your dogs with no other big responsibilities? I know I sure wouldn't mind it, but I also know that he isn't that kind of person and that he is really stressing. I do believe that it is stress that can be fixed by time and routine, but he has trouble seeing situations that he feels are negative turning into a positive one. I told him to remember that the child that we first had went the same way. He loved it, then hated it, then loved it even more. It took time and the development of a routine.
I personally think that time, a good schedule, and co-parenting will help make the situation better, but he has trouble seeing that. They are two boys. They are at ages where pouting and whining are prevalent, and they require a ton of attention, just as two children would. I feel so powerless in the situation. He knows that having children and a family is crucial to my life plan. Agreed all things change, but there are few things I know for certain and one of those is that I want a family that is more than my partner, me, and our dogs. I also feel that as time goes on he will become more used to it, but in the time that it takes for that to happen I have to decide how to handle it.
Being a part of the healthcare field can be a good thing at times and bad at others. We know so many things about the human body, and we have the most dangerous tool which is the knowledge and understanding of all of the human conditions, which some of us apply to ourselves from time to time. I really respect Erickson's Stages of Development. I feel that there is a very strong evidence based backing to it and I have personally seen it. For myself and the majority of people, I feel that getting married and having children are portions that must be obtained. I am not saying that everyone should, I just believe that the majority of our population need that in order to successfully advance to the next stage of development. As we get older and grow up, we require different things in our lives in order to have a health body and psyc. Ten years ago one of the most important developmental phases that I was dealing with was the ability to socialize and develop my own sense of self. Now, I am at a totally different place. I would like to think that I have successfully passed each of the stages of development up to this point, which is where I stand. I think that God puts things and events in our life in order to challenge us and help us. I have dealt with many challenges in my relatively short time on earth, but I see my children as a light in a tunnel that has been dark for quite sometime.
So how do I move on from here. He knows, as do I, that having a family is a crucial part of who I am and that not having a family is not an option for me. I love him with every piece of my being and I want this to work so damn bad I can't take it. I feel that at this point a lot of positive reinforcement along with me being able to be with them for several days, will improve the situation, it just has to. I am used to writing fiction, this is real, this is me, I assume that even though it is cheesy, I'll call this journey I am on, "The Diary of a Gay Dad", and this is part 1 of what I hope is a long and prosperous journey.
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