So I thought that my next post should cover my experiences as a gay man working in West Texas. Work is the big issue with me right now because there are so many problems going on at my job. I don't think any have to do with being gay, but I just need to vent I suppose. The journey is interesting. I decided to pull experiences from some of the jobs I had and share them in little mini-stories.
I think my perception of how life would be in the work place has always been off. I blew things way out of proportion and convinced myself that I was going to always have to wear a cloak of "straightness" in order to get by. I couldn't have been more wrong.
"The Substitute Teacher"
My first job was as a substitute teacher for the school district I grew up in. I grew up in a small town named Snyder, Texas which is a dot in the middle if you draw a triangle from Midland to Lubbock to Abilene and then finally back to Midland. Our only claim to fame is the White Buffalo (an albino buffalo) that was killed quite some time ago. We had a population of about 10,500 people and one school district in town.
From a pretty young age I had enjoyed the idea of teaching. I remember creating lesson plans for my stuffed animals and collecting as many library books as I could so that I could later play library and make my mother check out books and take AR (Accelerated Reader) tests on the books. I was definitely a nerd in all aspects. I was disappointed to discover that due to schedule transition my high school was partaking (block to modified block to 8 period days) that I was not able to take the senior class where you assisted an elementary teacher in his/her class. When I turned 18 I figured I would take a shot and put in an application to substitute. At that point my college classes were during the days so there was only a select set of days I could work. I remember the first day I worked was in October of 2006 and I loved it. I was right in my element. The kids loved me and I loved them. Many of the staff had been there when I was young so it was fun to see them again and to work beside them. After a couple of half-days as a substitute I began to create a name for myself and the teachers started requesting me for their classes. After my first semester of college I decided that I wanted to pursue substitute teaching full-time so I started going to college online in order to be available to substitute. I was kept pretty busy by the school. In February 2007 I met my partner. At this point I was out to only two or three of my friends and my partner wasn't out to anyone. Our love story is one for another day, but needless to say since I was now 19, he was a high school student and was 17. Since he was still in school and I worked for the district, I knew that eventually our paths might cross. They finally did one day when I was called to sub for a high school class. I hated the idea of even doing it in the first place. Why would they put an 18 year old who had partied and hung out with these people in a room and tell them to listen to him? I am not sure but thank God it wasn't a complete disaster. I did have my partner in one of the periods, but all I did was complete his homework for him. Nothing else was significant about that day. My overall experience with the school district was good. I was not publicly out at this time, but by my last semester working there it had become a rather large rumor. I don't know if I had to cover it up as much as I did, or if that was just my paranoid perception. I really didn't parade around as being in a relationship with a girl, just kept my private life very private. I think the only time I actually experienced negativity due to my perceived orientation was with two third grade teacher's ones name was Kim and the other was Esther (yep that's right, and she was actually young). It was ironic that I had trouble with them because they were actually the ones who requested me in the beginning. I had been doing the job long enough to know that I had to cover my ass any time I deviated from a teachers lesson plan. At the beginning of the 2008 Spring semester the teacher Kim was sick and wasn't able to come in. I was asked to cover for her and of course I did with no hesitation. Once I arrived and sat at the desk I realized that I may have inherited a problem. Since she had not been in the building since school let out which meant there was no lesson plan for me to follow. Thank God a teacher named Mrs. James came in and helped me and we looked at the desk and she found a work book that was for the standardized test in Texas. She told me to teach several of the modules and have the students complete them. Simple enough it would seem. However, it wasn't simple at all. About a week or two after the teacher got back I was called to visit with the school principle. She wanted to know why I had made up my own lesson plan, deviated from the one written, and why I was playing computer games. Every accusation was false, but I then realized that there was a snake in the grass. I had essentially been set up. I didn't know the extent at the time, but I knew that something was fishy. I explained how I did not have a lesson plan to go by and how the other teacher and myself had went over things and she told me to go with the lesson book. Apparently Kim had told the principal that I used the book she wanted to save for her to teach to the kids and had ruined her entire Spring lesson plan by completing a few modules. A bit dramatic for my taste, but either way I saw what this was. I also knew that I had not been playing computer games and my school work must have been confused (my A&P lab looked like a video game) with games. After explaining myself pretty clearly the principal was happy with the answer, but I had to do some digging of my own. Come to find out, my then "best friend' (notice the quotations) was having some difficulties with my being gay and so his solution was to be truthful with certain people who asked. He decided to tell the assistant tennis coach (I played while he was assistant) that I was gay after the coach asked him because he had heard rumors. I then figured out that his sister was Kim the teacher, and that they were a very religious family whom had made homophobic slurs around others. Once I put that part of the puzzle together I then figured out about two days after he told the coach was when I was turned into the principal. I also heard that Esther and Kim were part of some homophobic slandering at my expense from some other teachers whom I was close to. Either way, it was pretty obvious that they didn't like my being gay and working around kids and had almost succeeded in getting rid of me. I never worked for them again, and they rarely made eye contact with me the rest of the time. I will throw out that Esther's part in this was rumored, but a very close friend witnessed it so I have to believe them. Either way, even if my orientation had nothing to do with it, it was a nasty move on any persons part, especially an adult who teaches children.
"College"
I worked for the same hospital for the rest of my undergraduate. I don't remember a time where I was mistreated there because I was gay. I actually had a very open and loving group and they supported me. We had other gay team members and it was like one big family. I learned so much from them and feel so blessed to have had them mold me into the nurse I am today.
"Abilene"
My father passed away unexpectedly in November of 2009. The details of that are for another day, but his passing molded the decisions I made for quite some time. From the time I moved to Lubbock and began working in the Pedi ICU, I thought that I would grow my career from there and develop a life in Lubbock. After my dad died I had to rethink that plan. As the eldest of two sons, I felt I had a responsibility to take care of my mother. I only speak to my fathers step-mother, and do not associate with any of his blood relatives so when he passed my mother decided to move to Abilene where all of here family was. As a graduate of a university with a BSN, it was pretty easy to line up a first job. I had to decline a job at Pedi ICU because I knew I needed to be in Abilene with the rest of my family. Family is a big thing to me and I didn't want to be so far from them. I received a good offer from a reputable hospital in Abilene and felt that their "critical care residency" program for nurses was a great thing. I thought that a transition from Pedi ICU to adult ICU wouldn't be too hard. Man was I wrong. The first day I walked into my new job as a graduate nurse I knew it didn't fit. It just didn't feel right. The vibe I received from the hospital was just... off. Despite all of this I knew having a job was very important so I stuck it through. Once we finished our residency/orientation (which was all on a computer and very boring) we were assigned a nurse who was our mentor for the duration of our orientation. At first meeting I thought I had been assigned a great nurse. She was a larger lady who had a big personality. I ate lunch with her and some other employees and man could she crack the jokes, especially about other people (hindsight is 20/20 right?). Conversation was easy with her so I thought our match would be just fine. I couldn't have been more wrong. On my first day with her I figured out that she was a Methodist preacher's wife, and was devoutly religious. She also wasn't afraid to make homophobic slurs. I think that in the beginning she did not know I was gay. Let me also say that I don't feel that every bad thing that has happened to me is because I am gay, there are however some events that I feel were associated with my being gay and this happens to be one of them. The day that things changed and she changed was the day that a co-worker asked to be my friend on Facebook. Deciding now was as good of a time as any, I added that co-worker. My mentor happened to be friends with that person as well. I did my share of lying by replacing my partner with a "she" when I talked. Amy and I had some personality differences too. I was a strong graduate nurse and she was a very domineering nurse, and I feel that those two do not match at all. We would struggle when she wanted to teach me how to put a cap on something or some other mundane task. Either way she began to make comments about me being too "know it all" and to be careful. I am smart enough to know when enough is enough and I do not feel I ever crossed that line as a graduate nurse. Long story short, one day I am called to HR over a medication test and am told that they heard I was trying to get a job in the ED and that it didn't appear to be a good match for either of us and they felt the best course of action was for me to keep the portion of the bonus that had been given to me and part ways. I was also reminded that they are a Christian organization and have certain values that they operate by. I knew that I was going to lose this one so I said fine and left. That little situation caused me a lot of hardship, but it was for the best as I was able to grow more independently as an ED nurse than I could have grown there.
That was the last time that to this point in life I feel that my orientation was discriminated against. My other jobs (in small towns) have been very accepting and I haven't faced any problems such as the others I discussed. I have had the occasional talking, but that's to be expected everywhere.
The only other thing I can remember at this time was over a gay church. I was at my current job and was trying to look up some gay churches in Abilene to attend. Well gay or gay friendly. When I searched them I was met with a internet block that blocked the gay church page due to "LGBT Issues". I was pretty offended by that and at this point my boss and I had experienced a decline in our relationship and the only answer I was given was that internet is for work only and it isn't personal. Not much of an explanation at all.
I think the irony here is that one would probably think my experiences would be very bad since I am in such a conservative area of Texas, but they have actually been pretty good. I am happy with the way I have been treated for the most part and feel blessed. I hope thank God every day for letting my first RN job happen the way it did, that's what I needed to find myself.
I am not saying that you just need to let loose and come out, it is always important to gauge your situation and make a move that you are comfortable with, but it is okay to be yourself. I went from being in the closet and referring to my partner as "she" or "her" to saying "him" or "my partner" when asked. I didn't parade around letting everyone know I was gay, because frankly I don't think it is everyone's business, but I did quite hiding so much and too my surprise, it wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be.
If you have any experiences you would like to share, please feel free to do so!
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